Misheard conversations
by daughterofares97
Summary: In which random people overhear conversations Leo has with his grilfriend, and completely misunderstand what they are saying. Sequel to Leo's epic pick-up lines.
1. Chapter 1

**Short, romantic comedy fics are my addiction…so I wrote another one!  
>This is sort of a sequel to 'Leo epic pick up lines', if you haven't read that, you could go read it now, or if you're incredibly lazy, l you should know that Ella is a daughter of Ares, and is Leo's girl friend.<strong>

**Chapter 1  
><strong>  
>Ever since Leo's new girlfriend, Ella, had agreed to help him on his new project (Festus II) Leo barely left bunker 9 anymore. So, Piper and Jason decided to pay him a visit. But before they could enter they heard a rather disturbing sentence leaving Leo's mouth;<p>

"Oh come on Ella, eat it!"

"No, it's disgusting."

"No its not."

"Leo, stop trying to stick it in my mouth."

"Don't slap my stick. Now come on, at least lick it."

"No, that thing is going nowhere near my mouth. And if you don't put it away, I swear on all that is holy that I will chop it to pieces and feed it to Mrs. O'Leary."

"Aww, don't be so quick to judge, come on, just try it, you don't even have to swallow, you can spit it out if it's too disgusting,"

At this Piper and Jason had enough and Jason burst through the door, one hand covering his girlfriend's eyes, Piper crying out "Leo!", in an appalled voice. What he saw was, thankfully, not what they had envisioned. The daughter of Ares was standing up with her arms crossed, Leo was standing in front of her, trying (and failing) to shove a cheese stick in her mouth.

"It's OK, Piper." Said Jason, breathing a sigh of relief.

"Um, guys what's going on?" said Piper uncertainly.

"He's trying to force cheese sticks down my throat, when I specifically told him I HATE CHEESE." said Ella, glaring at Leo.

"But everyone likes cheese!" exclaimed Leo, throwing up his hands at his two friends before turning back to his beloved and resuming his task. "Now eat the stick"

"Never!"

"Ahhhhh, stop hitting me!"

At this Piper and Jason walked away, somebody else could sort out this disagreement.


	2. Chapter 2

**Well here's chapter 2: hope you enjoy!**

This time it was Drew that overheard their conversation. She just so happened to have her ear pressed against Leo's door when she heard the annoyed tones of one of her least favorite people;

"Leo, it's not going to fit, it's just too big" Wait what? Drew sniggered to herself, somehow she doubted that.

"It will fit, we just have to push"

"I am pushing." replied the girl

"Push harder"

"This isn't working, Leo, stop pushing."

"Um…here I have an idea, pull it out, we need some grease or lubricant." Through the door Drew could hear the crash of metal hitting the floor. "There it should push in easier with that. Try putting some on."

"Ugh, Leo that feels so disgusting and slimy."

"It's grease Ella, that's what it's meant to do. Now man up, and push."

"Don't tell _me_ to man up, Mr. I-need-my-girlfriend-to-kill-the-nasty-hellhound-for-me."

"Oh not that again, now just shut up and push."

"Ung, OK"

"There, it's in. That wasn't so hard was it? You got it yet?"

"Yep, I found the button thing, and pressed it."

"Good, good."

"Um Leo, I can't move it."

"It went in, we'll be able to get it out."

"I can't and I'm pulling as hard as I can."

"Ahah" screamed Drew as she burst into the room, "caught in the act!"

"I hardly think that putting your hand in a machine to press a button is a crime Drew." Replied the flustered girl, who incidentally had her right arm jammed in a machine up to her elbow.

Drew scowled and stalked out, vowing to get revenge at the same time as Ella was screaming at Leo "Harder, damn it! Put your back into it!""


	3. Chapter 3

Travis and Katie were out for a lovely moonlit walk one night when they heard the tones of their friend, one Leo Valdez;

"Come on Ella, just one lick, You'll like it."

"Ughh, its dripping on me. And its sticky."

Confused, the two stopped their meandering to listen in on their two fellow lovebirds

"Come on, just one taste"

"But it looks weird."

"Come on, I try things for you that I don't wanna do.

Katie turned to her boyfriend, a shocked look on her face and mouthed, "Maybe we should go." Travis, who, if anything, looked even more shocked nodded his head in silent agreement, probably trying to shake away the bad mental images running through his brain, but before they could leave the voices began again, a little closer this time.

"Fine, give it here Leo."

"Well? How does it taste."

"Delish!"

"Okay, now give it back Ella."

"Never"

"What? No! Don't bite it! Now give it back."

"No its mine now"

Katie and Travis exchanged more horrified looks, "Travis, maybe we should go."

But before they could Ella burst from the forest, laughing maniacally,carrying a popsicle in one hand, hotly pursued by Leo. Screaming "My popsicle, mine mwahahahah"

"Oh thank the gods" said Travis, breathing a sigh of relief.

**Yup, really short, but whatever.**

**TRATIE FOR EVER!**


	4. Chapter 4

**Author's note: This is probably the second to last chapter, also I will upload another chapter to How to annoy the demigods later today, even though its supposed to be finished.**

Mark and Sherman walked towards the infirmary to visit their darling baby sister, Ella. What they heard certainly did nothing to improve their already volcanic mood.

"Oh Leo, harder." Ella moaned "That feels so good."

"You're so tight and tense Ella, you need to stop training so hard." replied Leo soothingly.

"Mm I know, but gods your hands feel sooo gooooood. I promise I'll do you when I get better."

"Can't wait darlin" replied Leo.

Finally overcoming his shock induced paralisation, Mark burst into the room, weapon out. What he saw was, thankfully, not what he expected. Their beloved sister was lying face down on the bed, her boyfriend (stupid son of Hephaestus), gently massaging her shoulders.

"Hey Mark, why do you look so mad? Um Bro, why did Sherman faint, I think you should get a medic."

"We thought you were doing something…else." said Mark, as he walked off to look for one of the Apollo campers who could help his brother.

"What did they think we were doing?" asked Leo, confused.

His girlfriend giggled then whispered something in his ear which caused him to grin. "You know that's actually not such a bad idea."

"You read my mind." replied Ella.


	5. Chapter 5

**Meh, not sure if this will be the last chapter.**

Connor and Travis walked towards bunker nine, hoping to find some materials to use in their latest prank, their heads bent in silent conversation. When they reached the bunker they both put their ears to the door, to check if it was empty. It was not.

"Come on" said a girl's voice, "it's easy, and besides, you really should learn how to do this, I'm not always gonna be there to do it for you."

"Okay" replied a guy's voice, recognizable to the brothers as Leo Valdez "but go easy on me, I've never done anything like this before."

"Okay, okay. First off, grip firmly, but don't squeeze. We don't want it going off, trust me it's not pretty."

At this Connor and Travis giggled into their hands. This would be the best blackmail ever.

"Got it." Replied the son of Hephaestus.

"Now, keep your legs spread to balance yourself better, like this."

"Okay, can I go now?"

"No, first I have to show you how to clean up. First empty the live ammunition, then take the cloth and wipe the barrel off. If its left dirty it may not work properly next time." Said the daughter of Ares.

"Okay, can I try now? Honestly, I've seen you do it enough times to know what to do."

"Okay, smart ass impress me."

Through the door the two Stolls could hear a faint shuffling followed by an almighty bang, which scared the crap out of them so much that they fell on the door, opening it.

What they saw was good for their innocence, but bad for their hopes of blackmail. Leo was holding a smoking pistol in his hands, his girlfriend was standing over them, glaring.

"First of all, what are you two doing here, and why do you have your blackmail book out?" the girl said drily.

"W-we thought you were doing something else." Squeaked Connor.

"And what might that me?" asked Ella, Leo standing behind her, a lopsided grin on his face.

"Nothing, we'll be going now." Said Travis, brushing himself off. The two sprinted from the room, Connor tucking their 'black-mail book' in his pocket.

Leo turned to his beloved, kissed her neck and said "Good thing they didn't walk in last night, eh?"

**Oh yeah, and for any of you who have read my story 'Iron and ire', I have decided to continue it.**


	6. Chapter 6

**Yay, my friends and I finally came up with an idea for another chapter.**

Ares walked towards his cabin, well more like strutted. Now normally he didn't visit his little punks, but they had done well in the war against Gaea, and he didn't want them to forget who was boss, and he also needed to talk his daughter out of her relationship with that son of Hephaestus, Lea or something like that.

Weaving through the strategically placed land mines surrounding his cabin, he reached the door, the war god's hand was inches away from crushing the door knob in his vice-like grip when he heard a soothing voice, one that was definitely not his child's.

"Leo, what do you think you're doing?" came the annoyed tones of his daughter.

"I'm just touching, I'm not doing anything wrong." Wait, was that that son of his arch enemy (and technically half-brother)? In _his_ cabin! Oh that girl was going to get the tongue lashing of a lifetime.

"Leo, get your hand off, you are not allowed to touch that." Replied his daughter, sounding extremely pissed off. Wait, what the hell was he touching? If it's what he thought it was…

"But it's so soft and squishy and smooth. Besides, my touching it isn't hurting anyone." Now everyone knew that Ares was not the brightest bulb in the box, but even he could piece together the clues, incorrectly as it turns out in this case.

He drew his spear and burst through the door, hell-bent on murdering the boy that he assumed was forcing himself on his teenage daughter.

"Aaah, Father." Shouted Ella, snapping to attention in front of her boyfriend.

"Step aside so I can kill the boy that's been harassing you." Said Ares, grinning evilly, brandishing his spear with vigour.

"Um…what?" said Ella, obviously confused, Leo still looking like he was ready to bolt out the door.

"He was groping you." Shouted Ares, jabbing his daughter's boyfriend in the chest with his spear.

"No I wasn't." shouted Leo, aghast.

"No, he was groping my pillow pet." Said Ella as she blushed and held up a pink pillow with a pig's head.

Ares was quite relieved at this statement, but it was most definitely not in his nature to back down, so with barely a pause he shouted "What the hell do you think you're doing with a pansy's toy like that.

**It's a pillow, it's a pet, it's a pillow pet!**


	7. Chapter 7

**I have such a wrong mind *shakes head worriedly***

Nyssa and her brand new boyfriend, Will Solace, were walking towards the Hephaestus cabin to discuss the design of some new exploding arrows when they heard the voice of Ella, daughter of Ares. Instantly Nyssa's lip curled; she did not approve of her cabin counselor going out with one of Ares' spawn.

"It's amazing! Can I touch it?" cried the excited voice of said demi-god.

"Uhuh, I know I'm amazing." Replied Leo, somewhat arrogantly. Nyssa rolled her eyes, she could practically see the smirk on her half-brother's face.

"Its so long and hard, and so well balanced. My sisters will be so jealous."

Will grabbed his girlfriends arm, and mouthed at her to get moving. She, however, seemed to be frozen in shock.

"Thanks."

"How did you get it this way? Was it hard to get the size right?" came Ella's uncharacteristically excited voice.

"Nah, I just thought of you and it kinda formed in my hands." Said Leo animatedly.

"Cool, are you sure you want me to have it?" asked Ella, plainly hoping he would say yes.

"Of course, you're my girl friend. Besides you look stressed lately, you need something to have fun with." Said Leo, as Nyssa, who had only recently re-learned how to control her limbs, shuddered and began to back away, scrabbling desperately for her boyfriends hands.

"Thanks Leo, you're the best." Came the happy voice of the daughter of Ares.

"No problemo, but I think I deserve a kiss for being so marvelous." Said Leo, in his best seductive voice.

"Yeah yeah." Replied the blonde.

A few seconds passed in which nothing could be heard, but the occasional clang of metal against metal. Will grabbed Nyssa by the arm and began pulling her away from her cabin.

"So, wanna take it for a test run?" asked Leo excitedly.

"Let's go!" cried Ella eagerly, as the door to the cabin burst open.

The two infatuated demi-gods bounded through the door; the girl waving a brand new sword in her right hand, as her boyfriend screamed dramatically "to the training arena."

Nyssa and Will stood still, both dumbfounded and relieved, before Will choked to his girlfriend "Um, I think we should just go back to my cabin." Nyssa nodded slowly, still quivering.

**I ship Nyssa/Will!**


End file.
